icebrrrg.com

Two things, one from the comments on a webcomic by Howard Taylor, the other from a googlysearch. We all loathe spam, but every once in a while it’ provides quite a chuckle. Heck, if spammers actually sent me this instead of smart intarnetsch ppls, I clicky more linky!

FROM: GRIMHELM WORMTONGUE
DUNLAND

Dear sir and/or madame,

Salutations, I am GRIMHELM WORMTONGUE, The son of late Counsellor Grima Wormtongue of the Kingdom of Rohan.

My father was Chief Counsellor [equivalent to Prime Minister] to late lamented king Theoden of Rohan. In his position my father altogether legally and correctly acquired significant assets throughout Rohan in order to protect the Kingdom from enemy forces within and without.

In the course of lamentable events succeeding, my father was illegally deprived of office and expelled from the Kingdom. Before this he had with foresight already entirely legally deposited the sum of M.500,000,000,000 in gold with the Bank of Gondor (Minas Tirith). While in exile in the north he was assaulted and murdered by a band of northern pygmies. His family was obliged to seek refuge in northern Dunland among some of our sympathisers.

My father left to me all documents necessary to retrieve the sum of gold aforesaid from the Bank of Gondor (Minas Tirith). However, in the current political circumstances my solicitor believes it unwise for me to attempt to make the trip from Dunland to Minas Tirith, and has recommended that I seek a trustworthy foreign business partner into whose account this money could be tranferred. This appears to be the best option as we are unable to open an account in Dunland. Therefore we are seeking your trustworthy assistance and cooperation.

You will provide information about your account that will enable a deposit to be made in your name. I will contact the Bank of Gondor (Minas Tirith) and inform them that the money is to be placed into your account. Upon completion of the transaction your share of the proceeds will be 15% net following deduction of all transfer fees, that is M. 75,000,000,000. If the transaction goes well we also look forward to maintaining you as a profitable business partner for future ventures.

It goes without saying that I can expect your complete confidence and secrecy in keeping this matter under wraps prefatory to completion.

Please reach me at my email address: mbrandybuck@buckland.net. Thank you and ERU bless.

MR. GRIMHELM WORMTONGUE.

And this one …

This really works!!!!!!!!

Just send 5*10^50 atoms of hydrogen to each of the five star systems listed below. Then, add your own system to the top of the list, delete the system at the bottom and send out copies of this message to 100 other solar systems.

Ah, Spring. How sweet it is. Today (after a long ambulance shift during which I was dying to be one two wheels of some sort) I kidnapped the TriX and the Langster (um … they’re bicycles) to the backyard and did some long awaited post-winter-sitting-blues maintenance. A little lube, a light cleaning, plenty of pumped air and a once over … and what’s this? The rear wheel on the cyclocross is out of true? Oh noes! What shall I do?!?!

Well, apparently I (what’s the past tense of “shall”?) do’d wrong, because I tried truing it the way Jeff showed me, and I dang near warped the thing into Borg space. Apparently I remembered wrong. Anyway, I took a break for some food and TV and a quick ride on the NYC special (Langster), and Blake and Paul remembered me how to do it.

When I got home, it took a wee bit of patience (wee changes, nae big!) and in about 15 minutes the rim was straight and true. Dang! This is pretty easy. Soon I’ll have to take the wheel off the bike and try the nifty anodized truing stand to get it perfect. I’d say it’s good enough to ride tomorrow though.